On the way to my first opera rehearsal of the year (subbing on Das Rheingold) I had an epiphany. Somehow, leading up to the rehearsal, I got it in my head that I needed to prove myself worthy of being there.

While I was driving and watching the sunset, feeling a bit queasy and nervous, I realized that I had a lot to be thankful for. It probably sounds so cheesy, but looking at the big, beautiful colors in the sky put something into perspective for me.

First of all, there was no need to “prove” anything. Who was I trying to impress, anyway? That is just an unhealthy, immature way of thinking.

I focused on appreciating that I had the opportunity, regardless of what comes out of it. This is something I have been trying to do for so long, and it turns out I love it as much as I thought I would.

I felt much more at ease after having this realization. I did just fine at the rehearsal- I had gone through it 5 times on my own time (that’s about 15 hours of preparation), and had reasonable confidence on the part. I knew I wouldn’t get totally lost.

I had two other realizations this week about how much I have to be thankful for:

1. I was reading about an orchestral mentorship program, which sounded so cool- playing side by side with mentors, lessons, learning about orchestra life… and then realized I am literally living this right now. I’ve created this situation for myself, even though it’s not a program with a fancy title.

2. Not getting invited to the Central City Opera audition was kind of disappointing, but again, I realized that I am actually already working for an awesome opera company with very cool people.

The Dallas Opera is seriously cool, and I have a lot of respect for the organization and the quality and types of projects they create. The vibe at the opera in Dallas feels more laid back than the symphony orchestra- it feels more hip and modern.

This week, I’m rehearsing in Dallas all week, and I’m so happy. I love learning, studying, listening, and playing this music.

Rehearsals definitely take my full brain energy- maintaining my sound, picking up on details to fit my phrasing into the principal player’s sound, fitting the intonation in with the group, etc. There’s constant adjustments to make, along with playing the notes and counting the rests.

It’s very challenging, but so fun!!