I am always pooped after a gig. Like, I need to go home now and sleep. I know some people are hyped up and buzzing afterwards, but not me!

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I feel happy and creatively satisfied, but also exhausted.

As an early bird, I’m up by 5AM every morning, so my fatigue usually carries over to the next day.

I take it easy the day or two following a big performance- I don’t try to “power through” my low energy. If I’m tired, I usually still want to practice, but I let myself do something that feels fun. If I need rest, I cut my practice time a little short, and let myself take a long nap.

I might take care of computer tasks I’ve put off- emails, administrative work. Otherwise, I don’t force myself to do creative work in a state of low energy. I’ll recover by reading a book, writing in my journal, going to a concert, or catching up with friends.

In my graduate woodwind pedagogy class, I remember the teacher asking me, “What do you do if you’re practicing something and you just can’t get it?” I answered that I would take a break, and I remember the teacher being taken aback, as if I had just suggested something crazy.

Perhaps I didn’t clearly communicate what I meant- take a break, and return with a fresh mind to try again. In any case, I still remember his reaction.

By grad school, I had retired from “powering through” practice time. As an undergrad, I forced myself to practice for four hours a day, because that’s what I heard we were “supposed” to do.

It would take me many years to recover from the emotional damage of practicing in this way. I dreaded watching the four hours tick by. I didn’t know how to be creative in practice, and my conception of what practice entailed was very narrow, so I was miserable and probably bored. I would also conveniently use that time to reinforce whatever criticisms I had of myself at the time- for not being better, smarter, prettier, etc. My mind, already predisposed to negativity and self-punishment, suffered severely.

This mental state was not directly caused by music school. I was already well-practiced in damaging thought patterns from my (undiagnosed) adolescent anorexia. Given my temperament, tendency towards perfectionism, growing up in ballet, and lack of creative guidance, it was to be expected.

So yes, I strongly believe in taking breaks. Paying attention to my energy has paid off in my well being, health, and happiness. I learned to prioritize establishing positive mental associations with practice, and respect my body and limitations. It’s the right choice for sustainable creativity and energy.

Taking a break is a valid learning tool- our minds do all kinds of work in the background while we sleep, rest, or relax. It’s also why it’s so important to start preparation early. Sometimes we need a day off here and there to step away from a frustrating problem. If we understand this as part of the process, we can plan accordingly.

I love to ride the wave of creativity when it hits- an adrenaline rush of high productivity and high energy. But I also respect the flip side of the coin. What goes up must come down.