July is a time of reflection for me. We’re halfway through the year, both kids have birthdays, and we have our wedding anniversary. Aside from the conspicuous marking of time from these occasions, things are slow in July. It’s extremely hot in the Texas summer, the kids are out of school, and we’ve settled into the slower pace of summer.

After my recital- my major summer project– I look for a fresh direction.

Self-producing a recital requires me to fill all the roles myself. I’m the artistic director, creating a concept and selecting the music. I’m handling logistics, scheduling rehearsals and coordinating the event location. I’m advertising the event, producing media, and sharing it. And obviously, I’m the performer as well, preparing the performance to the best of my ability.

This can get pretty chaotic- especially as pressure mounts, and the performance approaches. I try to prepare my music early so I can stay mindful of my mental and emotional health, and take breaks as necessary along the way.

After my recital this year, I realized I had gotten into some unhealthy media habits- spending more time on social media than I wanted to, and checking email compulsively.

I decided to take a step away, for the time being. I’ve been away from social media (I’m usually active on IG, FB, and YT) for a week, or maybe it’s been two- my sense of time has shifted. I started checking my email just once a day- at a time when I can sit at the computer and reply immediately.

I can’t help but think that the somewhat guilty feeling we seem to maintain towards scrolling social media is a signal of something deeper. Yes, as an artist, I use it to share and promote my work. But inevitably, I get drawn into the cheap attention-grabbing gimmicks of social media, and start to feel pressure to create work that is equally attention-grabbing.

One of the worst consequences is the fracturing of my thought processes and attention span. While reading a book, or even watching a movie, my mind is focused on a single topic or plot- a long, wandering strand of thought. An equal amount of time on social media involves probably a hundred separate, disconnected characters and inputs. 

I find this incredibly damaging to creative thought, which demands a slower pace. On top of that, attempting to package my art in a format that is appealing in the context of fast, flashy social media often feels like an inauthentic representation. It can be an okay place to discover an artist, but the art can’t be truly appreciated amidst the noise of social media.

Then I proceeded to wonder- if I don’t want to have to experience or discover art on social media, should I create a situation where others would have to experience my art on social media? Maybe not. I’m considering keeping my sharing to my website/blog and maybe YouTube for media. Lately, I’m just not sure it’s worth the personal cost to maintain IG and FB, and now that I’ve been off for over a week, I don’t want to get back on again.

I’ve had so much more time lately to read and write. My baseline state feels more calm, less frenetic. I am more present in the moment, having broken the compulsive pull of the phone. If there’s something I need to do, I add it to a list in my journal and do it while I’m on the computer.

I’ve reclaimed mental space, free time, and uninterrupted thought. I’ve made myself a little less accessible, and exercised more control over the presentation of my art. For now, this is a better place for me.

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What do you think?