Recently, I’ve decided to lean fully into being a dancing flutist.

Well actually, I’m not interested in doing them simultaneously- it’s too much of a compromise for both art forms. But it has been exciting to explore ways to combine live music and dance in our performances.

Last Valentine’s Day, I did a little ballet, but had hesitated on the idea- I didn’t want it to seem gimmicky.

This Valentine’s Day (and 9 dance nights later) I’m embracing my identity as a dancer. It’s not that I was embarrassed about it, but I think a part of me thought it made me less “SERIOUS” of a musician. But I guess I don’t care about that anymore!

I’ve been thinking for some time now- dance and music probably originated as one thing. I doubt there was a separation between dancers and musicians, the way there is in modern life. I feel like there is so much to be learned from both perspectives.

My “music” career began at 4 (and a half) years old, when I first started dancing and performing. It’s almost therapeutic to come back to it, now with more maturity. Ballet was my first love, but I’m sorry to say that as a young girl (and perfectionist) I felt that I wasn’t very good at it. I took it seriously, and was particularly conscientious about the details of alignment and technique. I remember one day getting so frustrated because I couldn’t do a combination right. That was my childhood self wanting to ALWAYS be the best at EVERYTHING… a completely unrealistic goal, and a great set up for frustration.

In my teens, musical activities increasingly took over my life, but throughout adulthood, I found myself repeatedly coming back to ballet. It actually surprised me to discover as an adult that I am a good dancer- those years of training really stuck with me.

Now, I appreciate my abilities so much more, even though I’m not as flexible, and I can’t jump as high. There’s more depth, expression, and joy in my movement. I’m happy about what I can do, rather than constantly criticizing myself for what I can’t.